I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
