he shaved USA in his pubs
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
