TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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