And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Fuck appropriateness.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
