And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
