i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a search helicopter?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We don't watch enough power rangers
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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