did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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