you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Boobs are out for the taking
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
