I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
