yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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