i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize