puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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