How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
