no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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