No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
