He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is wine microwaveable?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
