Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
