he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
