I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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