there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
