The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
