I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
