is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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