I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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