Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
