we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
