Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
