I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
