i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
