My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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