in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
