I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
