Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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