Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
