Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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