I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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