i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
