come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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