Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
