Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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