used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
