I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
