I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
