On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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