Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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