K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize