So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
