Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.

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(407): View more from Florida

I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.

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(231): View more from Michigan

he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob

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