"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
