just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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