I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
