just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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