Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
