It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just high enough for therapy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
