chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
