so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
