I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
