U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
