Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
