saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
