If i come over, it means nothing
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
