He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
