i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
