I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
