dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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