So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
