My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
