after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
