I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
