Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize