woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
