can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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