Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
