watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
