yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
