We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
