are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize