Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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