matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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