We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
