Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
