I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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