They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
