I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
