he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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