apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
